Welcome to Week 5 of our eight part holiday series for dementia caregivers. December is here, and with it comes a mix of anticipation and pressure. One minute you are putting up lights or flipping through old photos, and the next minute you are wondering how you are supposed to balance holiday expectations with the day to day realities of caring for someone living with dementia.
Most caregivers I talk with tell me the same thing this time of year. The holidays feel meaningful, but they also feel heavier than before. You might want to keep certain traditions alive, but the person you care for may not understand them anymore. You might want to show up for gatherings, but your energy is already stretched thin.
If that sounds familiar, this week’s post is for you. We are focusing on real holiday stress and what actually helps, not the idealized tips that assume caregivers have endless time or support. This is about simple adjustments that protect your energy and keep the season calmer for both you and the person you care for.
HONESTLY NAMING THE PRESSURE YOU FEEL
Before we get into strategies, I want you to take a breath and name what is making this season feel stressful. There is power in putting it into words. Caregivers often talk around stress rather than naming it. They say things like “I am fine” or “We will get through it.” But stress that stays unnamed almost always grows.
Here are common stress points caregivers report during the holidays:
- Feeling responsible for keeping traditions alive
- Worrying that other family members will judge how things look now
- Trying to manage changes in communication and understanding
- Navigating unpredictable behavior changes
- Feeling pressure to show up cheerful when you are tired
- Loss of support because everyone else is busy
- Balancing medical appointments and holiday plans
- Grieving what used to be
If even one of these hits home, you are already carrying more than most people see. Nothing in this list means you are doing anything wrong. It means you are human and you care.
Now that we named it, we can work with it.
DECIDE WHAT MATTERS MOST THIS YEAR
One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to choose one or two things that matter most this season and let the rest be optional. Caregivers often give themselves long to do lists that look exactly the same year after year, even though their life today looks nothing like it used to.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What actually matters to me this year, not five years ago?
- What matters to the person I care for?
- What matters to my family or chosen family?
- What traditions can be simplified without losing meaning?
- What can be removed completely?
Here is the trick. You want to shrink the list until it feels doable on your hardest day, not your best day. This is a skill many caregivers have trouble practicing. It can feel like letting go or disappointing others. But simplifying is not a failure. It is responsible care. When you protect your energy, you protect your relationship with the person you care for.
Example
Maybe baking a dozen different cookies is out of reach, but making one easy recipe with holiday music playing in the background still gives you a special moment without draining you. Or maybe you skip hosting this year and invite people to drop by in small numbers for short visits instead.
KEEP ROUTINES STEADY TO REDUCE HOLIDAY STRESS
People living with dementia rely on stable routines for a sense of safety. The more the environment shifts, the more stress and confusion they may feel. During the holidays, routines often disappear without anyone noticing. Meal times move around. Bedtime changes. The schedule fills up. Visitors come and go.
When routines change, the brain has a harder time organizing what is happening. That can lead to:
- More agitation
- More emotional reactions
- Higher risk of wandering
- Increased fatigue
- Difficulty with sleep
- Trouble with communication
This is where simplicity helps you. See if you can protect two or three core routines. It might be morning wake up time, a daily walk, a quiet afternoon rest, or keeping meals consistent. You do not need a rigid schedule. You want familiar touch points throughout the day so the brain can relax.
If you have a busy day coming, consider keeping the morning exactly the same as usual. Familiarity at the beginning of the day sets a calmer tone for whatever comes next.
ADJUST HOLIDAY EXPECTATIONS BASED ON CURRENT ABILITIES
One of the biggest mistakes well meaning families make is assuming the person they care for will enjoy or tolerate the same activities they did years ago. Dementia changes how the brain processes sound, movement, lighting, social cues, and emotional input. Even joyful events can become overwhelming.
Instead of asking “What did we always do?” try asking “What feels good and safe this year?”
Some examples:
- Large gatherings may need to become small, quiet visits
- Long dinners may need to become shorter meals with fewer dishes
- Loud music may need to be replaced with softer background music
- Gift opening may need to happen slowly, one at a time
- Long car rides may need to be broken into shorter trips
- Holiday events outside the home may need to be replaced with simple at home moments
Try to match holiday activities with the person’s current cognitive abilities and emotional tolerance. This prevents stress but also opens the door for authentic connection.
PROTECT SENSORY COMFORT
The holidays are full of sensory overload. Lights, music, decorations, scents, movement, and noise can be overwhelming for a brain that has a harder time filtering information.
Here are small sensory adjustments that make a big difference:
- Keep lighting soft and steady
- Avoid blinking or flashing lights
- Use fewer scented candles
- Turn off background TV during visits
- Choose calm music at a low volume
- Create one quiet space where the person can rest
- Limit clutter to reduce confusion
These changes may feel small, but they help the brain relax and reduce overwhelm.
PLAN FOR EMOTIONAL MOMENTS
Holiday seasons tend to stir up grief. Not always the big heavy grief, but the quieter kind that shows up when traditions change or when you feel the absence of who someone used to be. Many caregivers push these feelings down because they do not want to fall apart during family gatherings.
It might help to create a little ritual for yourself. Something that lets you acknowledge the tenderness of this season without judging yourself.
You might:
- Light a candle for a moment of quiet
- Look at a favorite photo
- Step outside for fresh air when emotions swell
- Write down one memory that makes you smile
- Talk with someone who understands dementia care
You do not need to be strong every moment. You need spaces to feel human.
SET REALISTIC BOUNDARIES WITH FAMILY
Family expectations often increase stress for caregivers. Sometimes people who are not present day to day still expect the holidays to look the same. Or they assume you can make everything happen with the same energy as before.
This is where clear boundaries help. You can be warm and direct at the same time:
- “We are keeping things simple this year. Short visits work best.”
- “Morning is her best time. Let’s plan something before noon.”
- “Loud gatherings are too overwhelming now. How about a quiet meal together?”
- “I can host for one hour, not the whole day.”
If someone pushes back, remember that boundaries are about safety and wellbeing, not pleasing everyone.
PREPARE FOR COMMON HOLIDAY CHALLENGES
Here are challenges you might see and what helps:
Challenge: The person becomes overwhelmed during gatherings
Helpful step: Step outside with them, take a quiet moment, and shorten the event.
Challenge: Sundowning becomes worse with holiday chaos
Helpful step: Keep evenings calm and dim. Protect the dinner and bedtime routine.
Challenge: Visitors talk too fast or too loud
Helpful step: Gently guide them. “Slow and simple helps her understand.”
Challenge: Increased fatigue
Helpful step: Build in rest before and after any event.
Challenge: Family members are surprised by changes in abilities
Helpful step: Prepare them ahead of time. A simple update can ease tension.
MAKE SPACE FOR CONNECTION THAT ACTUALLY FEELS GOOD
Connection does not require big activities. In dementia care, connection thrives in the simple moments. Here are ideas that work well during the holidays:
- Listen to one familiar holiday song together
- Bake something easy and let them stir or smell ingredients
- Look through old holiday photos
- Watch nature videos or fireplace scenes
- Sit by the tree with soft lights
- Read a short poem or prayer
- Fold napkins together
- Hold hands and breathe slowly
The goal is not productivity. The goal is shared presence.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR STRESS WITHOUT ADDING MORE WORK
You have been told a thousand times to take care of yourself. Most caregivers roll their eyes because what they need is support, not a lecture to drink more water.
So let’s keep this simple.
Here are small stress reducers that fit into real life caregiving:
- Take three slow breaths before you walk into a room
- Stretch your shoulders when you stand up
- Step outside for two minutes when things feel tense
- Ask someone to pick up groceries
- Plan one thing each week that helps you feel like yourself
- Talk with a friend or support group
- Choose sleep over finishing one more chore
You do not need a spa day. You need tiny moments that give your nervous system a break.
WHAT TO DO WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE TOO MUCH
If this season feels heavier than usual, please hear this. You are not failing. You are not behind. You are not supposed to carry the entire holiday on your shoulders.
When everything feels like too much, the first step is to pause. Then choose one thing to simplify. Not everything. Just one.
Maybe you cancel one event. Maybe you ask someone to help with meals. Maybe you let go of a tradition that feels stressful. Maybe you decide that your only goal this year is to keep things calm and safe.
That is enough. You are enough.
A KIND REMINDER AS YOU MOVE INTO DECEMBER
You are allowed to slow down.
You are allowed to choose what matters most.
You are allowed to protect your energy.
You are allowed to make the holidays simpler.
You are allowed to ask for help.
You are allowed to grieve and still enjoy small moments.
The holidays do not have to impress anyone. They do not need to look like the past. They do not need to be perfect. They only need to be honest and gentle with where you and the person you care for are right now.
That is what real caregiving looks like.
CALL TO ACTION
If you want more weekly support, tools, and caregiver friendly strategies, you can sign up for my Monday newsletter. You will get each new blog post sent straight to your inbox, along with a free holiday stress checklist made for dementia caregivers. Click here to sign up
Notes
- Alzheimer’s Los Angeles. (2023). Holiday tips for caregivers. https://www.alzheimersla.org/holiday-tips-for-caregivers-2023/
- World Health Organization. (2023). Dementia: Key facts. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/dementia
- National Institute on Aging. (2023). Caring for a person with Alzheimer’s disease. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-caregiving
- Alzheimer’s Los Angeles. (2024). Holiday tips for caregivers. https://www.alzheimersla.org/holiday-tips-for-caregivers-2024/
- Family Caregiver Alliance. (2025). Caregiving and the holidays: From stress to success! https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregiving-and-holidays-stress-success/
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Disclaimer
The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with a doctor or a licensed physical therapist before starting any new exercise routine, using assistive devices, or following the recommendations mentioned. Every individual’s needs are different, and professional guidance is essential to ensure safety and appropriateness of care.
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